The Power of Being Alone (On Purpose)

I recently returned from my fourth annual solo trip. Four years ago, I began this tradition and now it’s something I really look forward to every year.  

Inevitably, in talking about this trip with friends and colleagues, I’m asked what it’s like to travel by myself and why I would choose to take a trip by myself every year.  

Traveling alone gives me an opportunity to reconnect with myself. Like many people, I spend most of my days in service to others. I’m a partner, a mother, a business owner, a friend, a volunteer, and more. While I love my family and friends and serving our clients, I can lose track of what I want or need and how I actually feel in any given moment, ignoring myself to be present to others. 

When I go away by myself, I leave all of that behind. When I’m relieved – temporarily – of my obligations to others, I’m left with who? Myself.  

These seem like silly questions but for many of us they are actually tough to answer. 

Developmentally, most of us are “outside-in” thinkers, meaning we take our cues about what we should care about and what we do from important others, such as our family of origin, teachers, bosses, friends, the media, culture, and so on. There’s a lot of good that comes from this – the transfer of knowledge and values, community cohesion, etc.  

The downside, however, can be the lost connection to self or the lack of time and space to connect with and know oneself. 

What role does alone time have in our development? We can grow when we have the opportunity to “get in over our heads” at work or in life, and “unmake” and then “remake”our belief system or worldview to make sense of what we are experiencing. Alone time supports this developmental work. We get clearer about what’s important to us, what our values are separate from other people, and just get to know ourselves better. 

What does this look like for me? I enjoy going to new places having new experiences, but I also like downtime to read, rest, and reflect. I try not to make commitments or plans for some of the time, so I can spontaneously do (or not do!) whatever I feel in the moment.  

Sometimes, I don’t know what I want. Crazy, huh? Try it: block some time for yourself and don’t make plans. When the time arrives, ask yourself: What do I want to do? Exercise? Read? Nap? Garden? Visit a friend? Try to get in touch with what you really want and what would fill your cup, not what you think you “should” be doing. While I was on my trip, I practiced pausing when I was unsure of what I wanted, so I could check in with myself and figure it out rather than rushing headlong into something without consideration. 

To those of you intrigued by solo travel, give it a try! Go a few hours away for a weekend. Plan a mini retreat for yourself. Experiment! 

Jessica
Founder & CEO
The Sparks Group